Aug 14, 2010

Rule #5: A Happy Homecoming

I don't guess I have to worry about being controversial. Every one's comments have been along the same lines: Caring for someone, appreciating them, and making them feel special is more than a "duty." It's a pleasure, especially when that person is someone you CHOSE to marry!

Rule #5 is about hubby's coming home after work:

"When your husband walks through the front door, take his coat and guide him to his favorite easy chair. Offer him the evening newspaper, his slippers and a [drink] . . . If he appears fatigued or cranky, . . . a relaxing foot rub or shoulder massage may be in order."
I read the magazines. I read the comments regarding the changing roles of women. Their general theme is that WE shouldn't have to do all this! WE work full-time, too (whether it be away from or in the home). Ain't nobody handing us our slippers and offering a back rub!!

But, wait.

Let's examine this. We may not be met with someone else providing these specific things, true. Are we, however, met with other evidences of our husbands' showing appreciation for us? Very often their expressions of pampering and concern are not shown in the same ways that we show ours. In fact, we may be in the habit of just expecting certain things to be done and not seeing them as demonstrations of "pampering."

You know what I mean--We hand over soft, warm slippers to show caring and he tells us he fixed the windshield wiper blades. Both are examples of caring.

If we truly want some of the same types of pampering we dish out, I have a proposal.
  • Make sure your slippers "live" by the door you enter when you return from work.
  • Have a pitcher of your favorite beverage chilling in the frig.
  • UTILIZE that crockpot!
  • Train the kids to give you a little uninterrupted quiet time. Give hugs and kisses and then assign 15 minutes worth of quiet activity for them while you "regroup."
  • Sit DOWN while doing those 15 minutes and look at a magazine or a newspaper. Do NOT look around the house and see what's waiting for you to do.
  • If you work from home, carve out some time for your own personal "winding down" before the next phase of the evening.
That's what I plan to do. Being at home all the time makes it more difficult to have an "ending time" for the day's work. There's still the evening work to be done for all of us, of course, but a separator would probably go a long way to making us feel a sense of refreshment before we tackle the evening.

And, you can always just ask for that back rub!

Related Posts:

How all this started.
Rule 1: A Wife's Duty
Rule 3: Put Your Best Face Forward
Rule 4: Cleanliness...It's Next to Godliness


Packrat said...

Don't forget to set aside time to spend with your friends. :)

I don't go with the take the coat and give a foot rub business especially since the car pulls into the driveway almost at the front door, but a nice hello, a kiss, and no crabbing or nagging are a must.

Roxanne said...

Oooh, that's a hard one for me. There have been many times over the years when I skipped the "hello" and went right to dumping my difficult day on my husband.

I've tried to watch out for that, but it still happens every once in a while!

Roxanne said...

I've been training our son (J) to greet Daddy and then ask if he can help him with some of the stuff that he's always carrying in (cell phone, lunch box, etc.)

It's all about thinking of others first, isn't it?

Packrat said...

Roxanne, yes, it is about putting others first, but I think everyone in the house should practice this. I've just had too much experience with the men being completely demanding and the women in the family literally do everything.

It's really about respect, courtesy, and love (not necessarily in that order).

Oh, yes, I've skipped the "hello" and started ranting, too. Actually, J just came in and started in on me. He's had a really, really bad week so I'll forgive him. ;)

Roxanne said...

Packrat--I'm sad that your experience has been that. It's not right at all. I think that you're absolutely right in that ALL should treat one another respectfully, with love and kindness and make a point of putting one another first.

Of course, that doesn't always happen simultaneously, does it?

Sometimes (more than not?) I'm the one who is way less than nice when things are rough. Other times my husband is the one who just needs to vent. We both have experienced being on the receiving end with one another in a way that wasn't very kind . . . at all.

You were a thoughtful, kind (and forgiving!) person not to respond in a hurt way when J "unloaded" after his rough week. That is a picture of love. Bless you for doing that for him.

Even the most long-suffering people have bad days (weeks?) and do and say things they really don't mean. If it tends to be one-sided, then it's time to speak up.

Kids, OTOH, are still trainable. One day their spouses will thank us if we make it a point to help them always to put others first.

I pray that J will have a MUCH better week this week and that his being ready to face it will be partly because of your wonderful response when he needed you!

HappyMom said...

What a good idea about the 15 min. time for kids after they greet Daddy. We are always having to say give us a few minutes to talk before Daddy gives you attention. I think I'll try that tomorrow!

I try to at least greet with a nice hello. Sometimes if I am in the middle of something the hug and kiss goes by the wayside, but I'm trying to implement that.

I also like the idea of the kids helping Dad with his things if he wants them too.

keep the ideas coming. I'm enjoying your series.

Roxanne said...

HappyMom--I'm glad you're getting some useful ideas. The tips from this book are actually pretty practical.

Teaching the children to see the father and mother as husband and wife is good for them. First, it helps them respect others. Second, it lays a foundation for their own spousal relationships!

Travels With Uncle Sam said...

I like this.

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