Aug 26, 2010

Rule #11: Decisions, Decisions!

"After toiling for his demanding employer all day, a man wants to be made to feel as though he's the boss when he crosses his own threshold. Let him dictate important matters at home, from selecting the evening's television programs to choosing what he'd like you to serve for his bedtime snack."

I know, I know--more inflammatory words.

The first time reading through this quote, several thoughts presented themselves:

  • "HE'S been toiling all day for demanding people?? Well, so have I!"
  • "Dictate. Dictate is short for dictator which we all know is a very self-serving perspective."
  • "Choosing what he'd like ME TO SERVE for his bedtime snack? Right. Next."

Take a deep breath (or two, or three). I want to point out something that I found very interesting. Look through the quote again (if you can bring yourself to) and notice a tiny, 3-letter word: "Let."

As in "LET him."

What power that word has. Most of the time I have used my "power" to "let" in the opposite direction--to NOT let. My husband, from the time we were dating, has always deferred to me in matters of preference. He checks with ME about where I want to go, what I want to eat, and what I want to watch. In essence, I have "dictated" because I would invariably choose something that I wanted. Sometimes I would check with him about what he wanted and usually got the "whatever you want" answer. After I while I just stopped checking with him. I informed him.

I decided to ask my husband about this. His response was that, yes, we always do what I want. I asked him if that had been a problem and he said no. (Relief!) But, then he continued. He said that it would be nice if I DID ask him sometimes. That it would be nice for his choices to take precedence on occasion.

That sounds like common decency, doesn't it? So, I've decided to "let" him have a chance to determine his preferences on a more regular basis. To be honest, after 30 years together I'm a little bit bored with my own choices. I know there's a good chance I'll have to watch something that doesn't appeal to my tastes (westerns come to mind), or eat things that wouldn't be my first choice. You know, that might be a nice change.

What a simple, easy way to bless the man you love--whether he's toiled all day or not!

If you've been like me, though, hopefully the shock of your asking his preferences won't be detrimental.

Related Posts:

How all this started.
Rule 1: A Wife's Duty
Rule 5: A Happy Homecoming
Rule 3: Put Your Best Face Forward
Rule 4: Cleanliness...It's Next To Godliness


Our family madness said...

hi Roxanne only seen all your comments now I'm still getting use to this blogging. I will be back writing soon we had some bereavements in the family recently and were off but I will be explaining all this anyway.
I am loving your blog at the Mo about the good house wife I can believe women were like that well it is certainly not that way in this household and never will. OK thanks for your comments.

Packrat said...

I like your take on this. Good common sense. (You are right, that paragraph brought up the blood pressure.)

Roxanne said...

Our Family Madness--Thanks for stopping by. I'm looking forward to your getting back to posting!

Packrat--(hee, hee, hee) I knew you'd enjoy a little aerobic exercise!

Rebecca said...

Tonight, I perused all the "rules" you've posted so far and am enjoying your humorous (and applicable) take on it all.

Unsure of which post to comment on, I'm picking this one because it speaks of the power a husband/father has in the household.

The other day, I assigned 3 dishwashing jobs to 2 kids. Yep, I messed up from the beginning. One child expressed dismay at having to do part of sibling's job, and when we had a heart-to-heart conversation alone, child expressed that "Dad should have done one! All he was doing was sitting at the counter telling us what to do!"

Screeeech! Put the brakes on that thought, dear child. After taking 5 seconds to recite 10 great things my husband does for our family, I emerged with a greater appreciation for the Man I Love.

And now, after remembering that moment, I shall turn off my computer for the night and go clean up the kitchen. While he watches football. And I'll smile.

Thanks for a fun series.

FarmMom said...

I always enjoy your posts - they always inspire me to be a better person. You've been doing that to me for over 20 years!!

Okay, now, I have been reading this latest series and I'm thinking I could incorporate some of this into my home! Who doesn't want a happier husband? But in in this last update, something really stood out......we can do bedtime snacks?? How clever! I'm all in! Thanks for the tips!

Roxanne said...

Rebecca--What a great example of what we've been talking about. Creating respect for authority on all levels begins with teaching children respect for those who are in the household--especially their father. Fathers have been demoted to bumbling fools in our society. If we don't demonstrate respect for one another and especially for the head of the family, the generations are going to suffer greatly!

Thanks for such a clear example of the right way to do this!

Roxanne said...

FarmMom--20 years?? Lord, have mercy.

I'm glad this series is helping others besides me!

The bedtime snack issue is totally at YOUR discretion, you know. Your dh doesn't know it exists--unless YOU institute it!

Oh, the power we wield...(laughs maniacally)

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